I want to start with this one.
It’s more than a year and a half since I graduated. I remember that whole week of just celebrating with my classmates and professors because we made it with powerful flying colors, both as a class, and as individuals. Those weeks prior to this are full of stories reminiscing our four years of staying in Inang Pamantasan. They were right when they joked, your failures and mistakes will make for a successful Ted Talk. Also, the weeks prior to this one, are full of dreaming again. The thought that I will be free from the constraints of the university and curriculum and the liberty to pursue what I really want, to start writing my narrative on my own, excites me so much.
I want to go back to the days where my friends and I will ditch classes to get fresh air. I remember how we walked around the catwalk and staying hidden among the trees in front of the Accounting Office (I spent minutes here trying to remember the building name OMG) or crouching on the seats of Talipapa (coz it is in front of the faculty center). We talked about having dream crisis – that the fire of the torch that once burned us with passion is burning us out physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually.
I remembered saying how much I wanted to graduate or leave for the US already because I don’t know if I am on the right path anymore. I wonder how something that feels so right in the beginning turned to be something that I revile the most. I remembered telling all my friends and my classmates that I don’t want to be a teacher. I wanted to be a writer and with the opportunity to go to the United States – the land of dreams, I had my resolved that I won’t involved myself in classrooms anymore. I planned on being in the office because I hate classroom routines. I thought it’s a trapped and I wanted more to be somewhere else than inside the four walls of my classroom.
Here I am, a year and a half later. Frustrated at myself for almost everything. Indeed, a small spark can cause a great forest to burn. The fire of the torch is still here.
I am wanting to combust with the thoughts of finally pursuing it.
