Tough Conversations [part 1]

These few weeks alone are full of difficult and powerful conversations with my students. If there is something I am proud of myself, it’s the fact that I am not ashamed to apologize when I made a mistake, despite feeling discomfort. Even though I am a teacher, I understand that I have a lot to learn. And there were many days where the students are the ones teaching me the things I need to learn. If I want to be better, I need to let them.

That day, after a debate match, I debriefed with the debaters and one of them said that he was mad at himself for not doing well and at the fact that I always put pressure on him.

I acknowledged what he said. I also explained that I do because I know he can deliver. But more than that, I was able to say what I wish I heard when I was a student— when I needed an encouragement versus nags of how disappointing it was.

“I apologize if I put so much on pressure on you. Thank you for telling me and being honest about what you feel.”

It was a wake-up slap to me too. I grew up in an environment where there is no room to make mistakes… that if you do, you are shamed for it. The expectations that I had to carry when I was a student was too much that I promised myself I will never do that to my future students. But that day, I did.

It has only been two years but, with my students help, we were able to build (and still building) a safe environment where students can tell me what they feel (with respect) and to hold me accountable as their teacher. I messed up. It was also not good that I gave comments in front of the whole class.

I had to reevaluate and pause to make sure I am intentional about not allowing the toxicity of the environment I grew up in reproduce to the students entrusted to me.

Tough convos. But very much needed. Thank God for moments like this.